Not because it is gone for a long time, it won’t come back again.
I spoke to my CT on the morning of March 13, 2023 for the corrections and further adjustments on my PPT for the remediation that afternoon. I was given some points to improve and that made me realize how all this time, I’m turning a blind eye on all my mistakes. I thought I already understood what I am doing but unfortunately, I’m still not ready. I don’t know what I have been doing all this time and at that moment, I felt nothing but shame and disappointment towards myself and I can’t even dare to look at my CT. All the time he’s suggesting some improvements and corrections, I am looking at the floor, the walls, the laptop and even the windows because at this point, I can’t face him.
After that, I went back to the quarters and did what I could to improve my PPT as fast as I can. I didn’t realize how I am already overthinking things in my head. I began to picture my failure already and there’s a voice in my head that is telling me to turn over the session to my CT because no way in hell can I do it. That voice told me that I will never make it out successfully because I failed in the basics.
I got so nervous that I felt something I thought I will never feel again, my chest tightening and my heartbeat increasing its pace. My hands and feet is cramping and before I knew it, I am crying.
I failed not only myself this day but also my CT and the students. What a good way to start a week.
An entry of a Student-Teacher 